he shaved USA in his pubs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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