You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
