so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
