Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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