I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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