I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
