he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
