just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
