So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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