her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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