she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize