either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no, he came in my armpit
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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