Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
