my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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