Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
