I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
