If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
