One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
