I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
