I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize