It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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