He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ttyl tear gas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
