Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
