i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
