you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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