i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
