A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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