So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
