Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
