somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
