this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
