if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
