Jerry, you need to find god
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
