He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
