I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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