Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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