Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
