i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
