this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
