I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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