I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize