I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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