I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
