1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
