Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
