Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
