but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
