We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
