i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
