you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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