At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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