ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
