I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize