I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
