So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
