yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
