after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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