I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
