my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
