I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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