what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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