This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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