i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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