I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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