you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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