So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
