Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
