My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
