well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This baby is an asshole
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
