My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize