I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
