I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
